


Because God Told Me

by iamalive (Otherwise_Uncolonized)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abandonment, Agnostic Character, Angst, Bad Decisions, Best Friends, Betrayal, Break Up, Broken Promises, Childhood Friends, Choices, Christian Character of Color, Christianity, Deception, Disappointment, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language, Family Issues, Female Friendship, Friends to Enemies, Friendship, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Inspired by Real Events, Judgment, Lack of Communication, Lectures, Lies, Love/Hate, Moving On, One Shot, One of My Favorites, Pain, Phone Calls & Telephones, Poetry, Poor Life Choices, Pre-Split, Problems, Prose Poem, Real Life, Relationship Problems, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Content, Religious Discussion, Sad, Secrets, Self-Denial, Self-Esteem Issues, Separations, Trust Issues, Unresolved, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8392468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otherwise_Uncolonized/pseuds/iamalive
Summary: "...We can't be friends anymore." What?"I need to be with someone who talks to God like I do. We can be acquaintances, but as far as a personal, close friendship -- I can't do that."Ten years of friendship and we're going to bog it down to "acquaintances?" Does the rewind button even work like that? We were born one day apart. We share the same first name. You've known me since I was a child. You stood there when my mother was lying broken on the kitchen floor. I stayed with you over the phone to mope with you about your pregnancy scare. When did we start basing the value of friendships on religion instead of actions and support?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote it the way I felt it when she was saying it. This conversation was good inspiration to break me out of a coma I've been in (can't connect to my emotions that well anymore), so I'm glad I could at least see it like that. This isn't about a debate on religion (so please don't), just the blind emotions during a friendship break-up.

* * *

 "...We can't be friends anymore."

The fuck? 

"I need to be with someone who talks to God like I do."

When were we ever fucking?

"Okay, let me rephrase this. We can be acquaintances, but as far as a personal, close friendship -- I can't do that."

Ten years of friendship and we're going to bog it down to "acquaintances?" Does the rewind button even work like that? We were born one day apart. We share the same first name. You've known me since I was a child. 

You stood there when my mother was lying broken on the kitchen floor. I stayed with you over the phone to mope with you about your pregnancy scare. When did we start basing the value of friendships on religion instead of actions and support?

"I didn't say our friendship has been meaningless; I just need someone who can uplift me and... _encourage_ me the way I uplift and encourage them. When you're going through something good or bad, I tell you 'God bless,' but you never say it in return."

No, I give a whole fucking step-by-step process for you to save on that corrupted hard drive you call your brain and hope that you apply it to your life.

"But you never comfort me with 'God will pull you through,' or 'have faith.' Those are the words I want to hear, because God is the one who helps me through."

I say _you_ can pull yourself through and to _"be strong."_ What's the difference? Are the intentions not the same?

"You would never ask me what I was going through to begin with."

False. I spent hours doing _pro bono_ therapy because every phone conversation was about _you._

"You're not understanding me; I'm not saying you weren't a good friend, I just need someone who can further me towards my destiny -- someone who can be on the same spiritual journey as I am. God speaks through me, and he's telling me that you're not meant to be in this season of my life."

So the organic, real me is less significant than your fabricated, _preferred_ version of me? What the fuck am I, a fucking corsage for your damn wrist? One that you can just take off when you decide it doesn't match your dress anymore after prom's over? I am not here to be your third arm, and maybe I have problems being open, but I talk to you more than I do my damn grandmas. You're my family and they're just pictures of strangers.

"I'll always love you, and you know that, but I'm going to begin ministering others and spreading God's word, so I can't have people in my life who aren't as passionate about the truth as I am."

Heaven forbid people have their own thoughts and feelings and viewpoints and careers and politics and whatever other shit that now makes the skin on our bones. You're basically saying I can't be your friend because we don't have the same shoe size; got it.

"It's not about that. You always get tense whenever I talk about God's plans and God's will, so that tension is like an uncomfortable wall between us."

Because you don't talk about your own ever. You absolve yourself of all responsibility.  Avoid making decisions. Run from your past "sinning." You have interests I don't like and flaws I find troubling, but by no means would I disown you or lessen your worth in my life because of them. 

Our loyalty to one another when no one else has our backs is what I hold dear. _What the fuck was I to you?_

"That's why we don't see eye to eye; God is the one who plans your life and you refuse to believe that."

That's not it. I am not just a prop in my own life, and neither are you, yet you act like one. I'm sorry, but the only thing I refuse to believe is that your maker wants you to be lazy.

"God has set up a certain system for you and you're not working by it; do you understand why we're too different to co-exist?"

Stop fronting like you're closer to the heavens than everyone else in your life. I am not dead weight, I am your friend. _Your family._ I don't get close to people beyond a good laugh and a good joke because everyone will abandon you after they've torn past the helium balloons; Mom did, Dad did, and those cute, wrist-bruising boys with the corny promises did --- but _you?_

"You're not about self-love and evolution like I am right now."

Well, excuse me for fucking trying and not getting it right! I'm young; I still have growing pains to go through. Not everyone has pain killers in the back of their convenient, sanctified cupboard like you do.  I've broken bones trying to fly, so can't you wait for people to arrive to their own self-fulfillment? Everyone in your life has sat around waiting for you to grow up and stop disappearing into boys and sex, haven't they?

"That's completely irrelevant---"

It's every bit relevant. Your opinion on scriptures is constantly updated like an instagram app -- changing with the new version and fixing bugs that don't serve a purpose in your new pamphlet. You don't have your own belief system like the superiors you model after; you're trying to get into good graces and--- _are you crying_?

"I've loved you for ten years."

You diminished me in five minutes.

"I said that we can still hang out; we just can't be friends."

 _Who the fuck says this_? I don't half-ass my relationships!

"What do you mean?"

I don't call people I just "kick it" with my friends and I don't "kick it" with people who aren't.

"But I still want to see you one last time before the break ends...don't you want to see me?"

Hell no.

"Why?"

Because like God, I don't have plans for us. You have a nice "season."  


End file.
